I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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