Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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