Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
