You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
