I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We had to coat check the pizza.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
