I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
