Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
