I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
