So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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