Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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