3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
