hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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