I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
