Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
