Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
