his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
