I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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