Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
