Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
