Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
