We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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