Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am naked and annoyed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
