I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
