Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's never too late to be topless.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
