he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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