That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
