Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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