haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
