...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
