I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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