i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
