He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
