If i come over, it means nothing
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
