STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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