He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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