I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
