dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
