the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
