this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
