yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
