Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
