the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
