please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
