fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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