**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
