Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
