This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
