dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
