ugly people sure do ruin things
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
