apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
