what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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