would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
