Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
