my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
